Monday, 31 March 2008
I cant believe this will be the last post for March - What a month of highs and lows.
Thursday, 27 March 2008
The eternal optimist in the face of all adversity.
She will go through the motions in her yoga class today and when the high has died down, she will find herself on the long dark highway on the way home. The house will be dark as she walks in, smelling of old cigarette smoke and a couple of dirty mugs will be lying in the sink. Then the routine of showering and sitting on her old couch having cigarette after cigarette. She will contemplate reaching out to someone, she will even contemplate phoning her man with the stupid hope that he will finish work early. Eventually the sound of ice and whiskey. Late at night hopefully she will be in her desired comatose sleep.
The eternal optimist in the face of all adversity.
"Macbeth does murder sleep, the innocent sleep,Sleep that knits up the ravelled sleeve of care,The death of each day's life, sore labor's bath,Balm of hurt minds, great nature's second course,Chief nourisher in life's feast" (2.2.35-39).
Wednesday, 26 March 2008
“Man can only endure a certain degree of unhappiness; what is beyond that either annihilates him or passes by him and leaves him apathetic”
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.”
The next day we went to Hudson’s for a fantastic breakfast with the most amazing scenery and gardens. I was greedy, opting for a huge plate of eggs and bacon and loads of homemade, gorgeously sinful bread. Then Ernie Els winery was blessed with our presence and my favourite tasting room high in the mountains- Uva Mira. It was hot the sun was shining, the wine was fantastic! That night it was Sushi, followed by drinks at the Farm.
The next day was a mad panic to go shopping, pack a picnic, pack ice and wine and head to the beach, in all my hard headed determination to find the perfect beach I kept driving, pasted Gordon’s Bay, kept driving until Pringle Bay, 30km’s away – my Dad was not impressed, of course he is a make hay while the sun shines kind of man, so shopping packing and driving for an hour was an incredibly stupid thing to do on such a lovely day. Pringle Bay ended up being lovely and deserted with its white sand and wild waves. We had a lovely sheltered spot among the dunes. The drive home was beautiful; we stopped at Berties for G&T’s and chips and watched the sun set. What a lovely, lazy day. I love coming home with beach sand on my feet!
Monday was another a beach day unfortunately not too pleasant as the wind was relentless and brutal. Sand in the hair, sand on the chicken wings and sand in our glasses. The drive home was a disaster; I behaved terribly by loosing my temper and driving like a fool, all because my Dad and I argued over the directions home. That evening was a classy dinner at Taste with my man – finally spending time with us.
Yesterday we had lunch at Bodega, a chocolate and wine tasting at Waterford. This time yesterday I was eating home made chicken liver and drinking Chenin Blanc overlooking the Helderburg. How fucking depressing is that??
I do love my parents, even when my Dad and I are butting heads at every available opportunity; I so love them and respect them. They are such good people. I am always consumed by guilt because I don’t make them as happy as I should, because I tend to be selfish. But mostly I feel guilty because I am living a life they dont’t want me to live, I am living a life I had always promised myself I wouldn’t live. I am guilty because they have always been proud of my intellect and now I seem to be doing something stupid. I am guilty and remorseful because the man that is supposed to become their son-in–law doesn’t treat them with the respect and admiration they deserve, because he finds it impossible to swallow some of his pride and give a little, open up and speak honestly. He couldn’t see pasted his obstinacy to just offer some words of reassurance. Because of this man I have failed in the life that my parents have always wanted for me. I am so dreading going home to an empty flat tonight. No more sounds of coffee making and Sky News. No more miraculous disappearance of dirty dishes, no more smells of the most unbelievable food on the stove, somehow made with all the odd bits of ingredients I have all over the place! I just want to sit on my couch and weep! I am a complete waste of time today.
Friday, 14 March 2008
I even need a list of lists;
Things I need to do today for work
Things I need to get done before I go on leave
Personal things I need to do while at work
A shopping list
A list of things to do before my parents arrive
A list of things to do / places to see and restaurant reservations I need to make
Then finally I need to create an assignment schedule for tonight and tomorrow as the deadlines have arrived. I have been dragging my textbooks to work the entire week, I even booked a ‘lunch hour’ in my calendar everyday and still the book hasn’t been opened!
First I need to go for a smoke – then it is organisation all the way!
IT IS FRIDAY!!!
Thursday, 13 March 2008
A sudden tormented burst of pain
His skin crawling with deceit, slow trickle of reality
She gazes at him.
Wide eyed and breathless
Extraneous mumbling breaks the moment.
Her voice fluid and dying in the air
Quickened thundering, hope struggling
Love, a storm of tiny broken shards
Only four working days to go until I am on leave. I cant wait, I hope the sun the shines and the wind stays away, I hope the beaches aren’t too crowded. I am so looking forward to dragging my folks all over Cape Town. I am so looking forward to a picnic on the beach! This will be my first holiday in Cape Town. I am lucky enough to live here; to not have to get on a plane and go to the sea is just marvellous!
It is yoga tonight – so an early night for me!
Wednesday, 12 March 2008
I also got stuck right in the middle of a march about Palestine on my way back from purchasing my battery – the most unsatisfying ‘retail’ purchase since the radiator!
Today has been long, I am glad it is Thursday tomorrow and I am glad I have sweet bugger all nothing to do tonight!
Tuesday, 11 March 2008
If I had money right now my wish list is simple;
A new Car- preferably something sleek and black
Designer white and /or Pinstripe suit
Pair of designer jeans
A bottle of Bombay Sapphire Gin
A weekend in a Spa overlooking the sea wearing a large white fluffy robe
Laser eye surgery
Monday, 10 March 2008
I have a huge amount of work to get through today; I am reluctant to even open the file. Last night’s movie ‘The Last King of Scotland’ resulted in a heated debate with my man on the future of this country under Zuma. He is hopeful, I am terrified! The violence, the awful bloody crime it has just got too much, it is everywhere. Reading the newspapers – David Bullard has just had enough, I understand. Then the phone rings, my brother’s friend had a show day to sell their house. The bastards came in and stole their laptop. (“It could have been worse” our new National Anthem) Then this movie – Deep, dark, bloody and depressing.
Anyway the man is hopeful; he thinks JZ will save the day! He believes our present chaos is a result of the Mbeki and his cronies! Makes sense…what do I know…what does anyone know for certain, how do you separate what you know from what you have been brainwashed to believe.
Best I get on with it.
Friday, 07 March 2008
It is just a pity about the slow witted, juvenile cemented feet that I have to work with! I think the greatest shame in life MUST be born without any hint of charisma whatsoever- to have a personality as exciting as skim milk. As hard as I try to evoke some hint of enthusiasm as much as I try to promote an awareness of possibilities - I am greeted with blank faces, downward cast eyes of disapproval – suspicion – “Please don’t change our world, it is the only world we have ever known, we are safe in the monotony!” BLAH Congratulations to the machine for creating such loyal followers!
It is Friday – I am wearing red – I am determined to take control – I am determined to go home drink a bottle of Pinot Noir and listen to Led Zeppelin. I need to start studying, I have brought more stationary than even I could possibly need – the text books are new and unopened and assignment deadlines are looming.
I know it is possibly sad that I am looking forward to a weekend alone and studying – but I am – Right now I am a content freak!
“It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious.”
Thursday, 06 March 2008
Yoga in an hours time - I want my worries to pour out my body, I want to sleep dreamlessly!
Monday, 03 March 2008
Where: Paul Cluver De Rust Estate, N2, Grabouw