Tuesday, 05 August 2008

Too many questions

It was a very indulgent weekend! Wine tasting, brandy tasting and then way too many expensive drams of single malt whisky!!

I am only now starting to feel slightly human. I went to see ‘my’ man yesterday. I broke down like a real sorry ass lump of custard. I told him that everything has gone horribly wrong. As I looked around the home we shared together for two years, it just broke me. I feel like a completely different women to the girl that arrived here – all na├»ve and trusting. I thought I was ready for anything. He then told me he will make things right. I don’t know what he means – but it felt good to have a moment to let go, to be held and to let down my guard!

Where I get really confused in life – is how much do you leave in the universes’ hands and how much do you take control of your own destiny? Right now I feel like surrendering, like letting go and just waiting to see what’s next. But should I rather be making firm decisions?? It has always confused me! Analysis paralysis – whatever will be, will be?? Or will it??? Just how much of an active role do we play in our lives??

Oh dear I need to put a stop to this!

My flat looks a bit like a bomb blast and I need new tyres. Slowly the admin of my world seems to increasing at an alarming rate.

“There is no chance, no destiny, no fate that can circumvent or hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined soul.”
Ella Wheeler Wilcox


“The torment of precautions often exceeds the dangers to be avoided. It is sometimes better to abandon one's self to destiny.”
Napoleon Bonaparte


Rox said...

That's the eternal question indeed - and I also always never know where the line is with that.

I think that the universe kinda puts us in stages or places throughout our lives, due to either fate or our decisions, a bit like those old choose your own adventures, and then our subsequent decisions and moves are then up to us... which open up new avenues and situations.

So I guess it's a bit of both really. We need to trust the universe to an extent, but also trust our decisions and moves - maybe the universe has set things up for us to make those moves, or maybe it lets us take those steps.

I guess all we can do is just follow our guts and see where it leads us. I hate that though, as I'm a bit of an A-type, lol, and prefer to know what's going to happen as much as possible.

DT said...

I suppose I really worry about making the wrong decisions or not having a clue but what I really want. Some people seem to have it all figured out - I guess I just need to accept that I am not one of them!

Rox said...

Ja, I hear you. I am a big worrier, what decision to make, whether it was the right one, how things will come right... the works.

My mom is one of those people who always seem to just be calm and know where they are and where they need to be, and she often used to quote the Serenity Prayer at me:

Give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.

I always only think of that when I'm not at a point where I need it, but I try and remember when I can! :-)

Sunrise said...

"Some people seem to have it all figured out" - DT, this is a fallacy, noone has their shit sorted out, NOONE, they just look like they do...trust yourself, trust your gut.