Wednesday, 27 August 2008

Gareth Cliff you rock!

"You shook me all night long" ACDC baby! At eight in the morning! What a kick ass way to start the day! Thank you kindly Mister!

Tuesday, 26 August 2008

No More Mr nice guy!

Sorry my poor slow witted work colleagues – you never saw me coming. When for the hundredth time I mumbled ‘lending’ under my breath – as you were ‘borrowing out resources’ from your self appointed seat of authority. When I was browbeaten for keeping my comings and goings a top secret, breaking the fragile, personal and intimate connection of ‘the tiniest team that ever was’ consisting of ten. After all these wonderful little group sessions which occurs in the pit of disgust and grime, where the largest volume of drivel I have ever had the misfortune of hearing, oozes slowly out of your mouths, words hanging, mumbling – a language I have yet to comprehend. The time had come and you didn’t stand a chance. The bitch is back! I said my piece – in my world it translates as ‘keep the fuck out of my business’ but this had to be carefully phrased to be idiot proof and as transparent as your collective brain matter! It felt good. I have seriously had enough of these people.
There is smoke coming off the top of my head – I am like a well oiled machine today. All work and no play. The headphones are on and my face is set to ‘do not disturb or you will die’
I have cleaned my desk and ruthlessly attacked my stationary drawer. Nothing will prevent me from completing my to do list. Bring on the drivel and the pettiness because you haven’t seen anything yet!

I just received an email request – it’s a one liner – a beaut!

Note I are wanting our weekend report with late inclusive.” ?????@@#3$$%^^

I are wanting to clap you wiff the back of my foot!

Thursday, 21 August 2008

Random Musings

I want more! I want more in life. Is it too late to become a copy writer? Or a dress designer? Now that I am almost 30 – am I no longer regarded as being fresh and full of new ideas? Is it too late to become a lawyer? How hard am I actually prepared to work to better my lot? Should I make a five year plan – Success finally at 35??
I know I can no longer sit on my backside, I also know that this is my chance. I can no longer allow myself to be subdued into thinking that the clogs turn as they should and I am but a babe in the arms of destiny. No. Time for some energy and action.
It can be so frightening!

Wednesday, 20 August 2008

Misty Days

Last night, after an intense hour of yoga – where I believe I almost pasted out from the heat and absolute exhaustion – I ate an awfully healthy large bowl of salad and avo. (No salt, no salad dressing – all good) I was sooo chuffed with myself for avoiding the G&T that complements such a salad in such a beautiful way – that I proceeded to indulge in one chocolate biscuit and then another, until the box was finished. This was then followed by a bag of salt and pepper crisps – i.e. a bag of preservatives – I wonder if the G&T would have actually been a healthier option?
Having such a sober evening meant of course that I was wide awake at 4am this morning missing my man terribly! I finished Past Mortem by Ben Elton and unfortunately I found the ending somewhat predictable, it was a bit too Hollywood. I have no idea what I am going to read next!

There was the most amazing mist in the city this morning. I almost don’t want summer to come too quickly, the last couple of days have been so awesome. I am nervous of the arrival of holiday makers and tourists and even more congestion on the roads – but I am looking forward to the sun setting at eight!

After work plans; the ultimate goal: distraction and healthy living.
Yoga. Clean flat. Dinner of corn on the cob with the tiniest pinch of butter and garlic salt, followed by provita’s hummus and cucumber.
TV: nothing – why is Wednesday night the worst TV night??

The most irritating moment: the sound of the dude eating crisps and opening a can of coke first thing in the morning – like even before I have even had my first cup of tea. I really don’t like to hear people chewing and slurping: Yuk! Good grief what a classy joint!

Tuesday, 19 August 2008

Tuesday is a really rubbish day to come back to work

Back at work! Blah.
It was heavenly and now I am back at work.
The weather was gorgeous and now I am back at work.
Every night a different restaurant, a different cocktail – delight in Cape Towns winter specials and now I am back at work.
Walks along the beach, I finished two books and now I am very sadly back at work!

I must get my head right – A major detox is forthcoming. I am feeling very anxious and dark in the aftermath of my indulgence.

Sunrise you are soooo right;
I know now that drinking has a massive effect on me, for days afterwards I feel like a perpetual cloud hangs over me. When I don’t drink, I have huge pep, zest and go around feeling all happy go lucky. When I tear it up, I am shattered for days; I think its time to moderate that shizness...”

So that's what I intend to do - to moderate the shizness ;-)

Right now this job is just not doing it for me.

I have just started reading Ben Elton: Past Mortem
It contains one of the most disturbing sex scenes I have ever read and truly horrific murders. Nothing beats a good old fashioned crime novel with sex and booze! The man is brilliant.

Tuesday, 12 August 2008

Where the hell is my intuition?

I went for an interview yesterday. I had so hoped for freshly painted walls, leather chairs and glass desks, but alas, an old ugly building with it’s stock standard grey and cheesy posters of motivation. The people looked cool; there was a good vibe – younger, a bit more slick than my current environment. I got so stressed in trying to make up my mind after the interview that I had to go home for a gin and tonic! I tried to listen to my inner voice saying , “YES This is it – finally- your dream job!!” I am still stressing – where the hell is this intuition thing that I am supposed to be blessed with…isn’t that supposed to be one of the greatest gifts of being a women? Where the hell is mine – I have searched for it in meditation (attempts), I have read countless books, I have studied and watched people – God knows I have prayed.
I guess it will come down to list making. Pros and cons. Divided into sections of Financial, career development, parking, benefits, technology and bathroom facilities. Where idealism fails – logic must take her place!
I am going on leave tomorrow – for four happy, happy days. Late nights and late mornings!

Friday, 08 August 2008

Sunshine, Sushi and Song

I kissed a girl and I liked it – I cannot get that bloody song out of my head!!! It is not the most modest lyrics to be singing while walking through the office. I actually can’t wait to get home and start singing like a mad woman. The repression is killing me!

Friday – yay, yay, yay!

I have no idea what I am going to do – I have so successfully blocked visualising the future that I am incapable of making any kind of plans. I normally panic that one minute will go by unnoticed and under-utilised; but that is the old me: the new me is waiting to see what will unfold. Enjoying the moment – chillin’

Last night I sat at the bar of a very fancy restaurant – all on my ace. At some point I started to feel a bit like a first class hooker, I am either a sad weirdo or I have balls of steel – because it is not the easiest thing to do – eating alone in a posh restaurant! I am however determined to claw back my independence at any cost! Including the cost of over tipping because the bartenders took such good care of me! I loved them last night, like they were my own personal guardian angels!! I had sushi and skipped home – it was good!

Somehow – someway I managed to have a very productive week. I almost managed a handstand in yoga and I avoided spending a fortune at Kauai!

Now If only I could hear that song again…

Tuesday, 05 August 2008

Too many questions

It was a very indulgent weekend! Wine tasting, brandy tasting and then way too many expensive drams of single malt whisky!!

I am only now starting to feel slightly human. I went to see ‘my’ man yesterday. I broke down like a real sorry ass lump of custard. I told him that everything has gone horribly wrong. As I looked around the home we shared together for two years, it just broke me. I feel like a completely different women to the girl that arrived here – all na├»ve and trusting. I thought I was ready for anything. He then told me he will make things right. I don’t know what he means – but it felt good to have a moment to let go, to be held and to let down my guard!

Where I get really confused in life – is how much do you leave in the universes’ hands and how much do you take control of your own destiny? Right now I feel like surrendering, like letting go and just waiting to see what’s next. But should I rather be making firm decisions?? It has always confused me! Analysis paralysis – whatever will be, will be?? Or will it??? Just how much of an active role do we play in our lives??

Oh dear I need to put a stop to this!

My flat looks a bit like a bomb blast and I need new tyres. Slowly the admin of my world seems to increasing at an alarming rate.

“There is no chance, no destiny, no fate that can circumvent or hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined soul.”
Ella Wheeler Wilcox


“The torment of precautions often exceeds the dangers to be avoided. It is sometimes better to abandon one's self to destiny.”
Napoleon Bonaparte

Friday, 01 August 2008

Really bad taste

Women are digging deep into their closets this winter. I don’t now what it is, but lately I have witnessed the most atrocious outfits on the streets of Cape Town. I know Spring is around the corner, but that is no excuse for giving up on having style in the final winter moments– A Knee length, leather, burgundy jacket with matching knee length square toe boots in the same colour and then pairing it with a fire engine red hat and matching shirt dress – somehow just screams – I got dressed in the dark and thought this might be a good idea – after all I haven’t worn since 1972???
Another horror: Red velvet slip on boots with matching suede red pants and a brown jacket – yuk – yuk – yuk. Then there is the death by denim craze that seems to be sweeping the office! Scarves have become too big and scruffy or too thin and tablecloth like. Yet some how the men remain chic and dashing…

This weekend is going to be very challenging. I have to put on a smiling face and radiate happiness. I have to watch my words and duck and dive to avoid any hard hitting questions. It is family and they must not worry about me!

I need a drink!