Wednesday, 26 March 2008

Sometimes I really search and search for something inspirational. Not cheesy, not the ‘believe in yourself’ rubbish. Just some words, a photograph, something to tell me life is wonderful. On days like today I almost feel desperate. I just want to go outside myself and feel moved, encouraged and hopeful. I search and search on the web, on people’s faces, their actions their smiles. It is very difficult to dig yourself out of the ‘feeling sad and lonely’ pit. I know, you are supposed to dust yourself off and pick yourself up, but when those thoughts are hovering like a cloud, when doubt and anxieties surface, I find it difficult, extremely difficult to not want to just give up. I am a sleeper when depressed; I can sleep all day and night. The wish for sleep right now is almost overpowering. I don’t want to make any sensible life changing decisions. I don’t want to fight anymore. I don’t want to be hopeful and optimistic. I don’t want to pick myself up and walk tall. I want to slouch, frown, walk slowly and then sleep! I really hope I feel better tomorrow; maybe all I need is a good night’s sleep!

Man can only endure a certain degree of unhappiness; what is beyond that either annihilates him or passes by him and leaves him apathetic
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.”

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