Monday, 15 December 2008

Moving day!

I have a suspicion somewhere along the line things might go a bit wrong, but what the hell I need to start somewhere!

My new Blog:

Back to reality but still standing

The much debated subject matter.

Well Rox has to be one of the coolest chicks I have met in a really long time! We innocently met for drinks after work; what began with a banged knee and a lost earring ended up being quite a night…
It was an awesome jam-packed weekend full of my favorite things!! Dancing, Champagne, good company, swimming on the top of the world and sunrise on the beach and that was just one night! On Saturday after a brief comatose state on my couch for 30 minutes, I went through to Hout Bay for yet more cocktails! Followed by yet another brief stint in Long Street! Sunday was spent exploring Hout Bay – which I had no idea was so funky! I met some incredibly unusual people, spent too much money at the market, drank a bottle of Moet - which to my absolute dismay was slightly corked!
My drive to work this morning was also pretty surreal, a combination of the breathtaking views on the coastal road and still feeling somewhat high from lack of sleep!

But crash, bang, now I am in an office, white walls and bad coffee! Sitting next to a tiny girl who chews unbelievably loudly for her size! Here I am again, wondering how the hell I can I can inform this wee scrap of a girl that chewing then swallowing can be just as efficient without the accompanying soundtrack!

16th December – Day of Reconciliation – No work – Outstanding!
My view this morning... life's a bitch

Friday, 12 December 2008

Friday Bliss

It is a stupendously beautiful day in the city! – I have been frightfully busy at work and the unproductive Friday plan – as usual didn’t quite pan out! I am looking forward to cocktails with Rox later - but before I go she has also tagged me to do a Random Things Meme, which I will happily oblige.


6 Random Things about me:

1) I drive really fast, I try to drive carefully but I am very impatient.
2) I can spend hours in water - bath, pool, the sea. I am at my happiest under water.
3) Not a day goes by when I am not saddened by what has happened to my great love affair. We are practically strangers passing in the night and when he is with me, he makes me feel as sexy as dry toast. The resentment is always there, lurking just below the surface…then there are the lies...
4) My biggest accomplishment this week was making Christmas biscuits with festive icing, I haven’t baked since I was a kid, unfortunately I still make the same mess.
5) I really love Christmas, one of my dreams is to have my own home, have fairy lights everywhere, become a domestic goddess and make an amazing meal for my family.
6) My greatest blessing this year was starting yoga – I love how it has changed my body, I love feeling stronger and more fit. I love that for an hour I think of nothing, I go into a trance type state. I love feeling detoxed and energized. I love my instructor and his sincerity. I love that there is no success when you bring an inflated ego into the room. I love that I have seen this happen!

I tag Tay, Sunrise, Prixie, Louisa and Brazen
The Rules:
- Link to the person who tagged you.
- Write six random things about yourself.
- Post the rules on your blog.
- Tag people at the end of your post and link to them.

Tuesday, 09 December 2008

Topsy turvy wind

Wearing a short dress today was not a good idea! Now I have to walk three blocks and start praying...

Tuesday game Plan

Objective: To be productive and complete all those flagged items in my Inbox. To plan the rest of the week, clearing the way for a unproductive Friday. Then to hit Long street later for a coffee and to listen to some Jazz. So today I want to work and play!

I also want to come back here, to this rather miserable looking blog (I am thinking about wordpress but it scares me) and write about the Champagne Festival!

It is good not to have a hangover!

Monday, 08 December 2008

What man should I be dating?




You Should Be With an Earth Sign!



Your best match is a Taurus, Virgo, or Capricorn



Why? You like your guys to pamper, wine, and dine you

Not that you're a gold digger, you just like the finer things

An Earth Sign will go all out to woo you - and enjoy doing it

And you'll never find a more trustworthy or loyal match!

The after effects

Had an amazing awesome weekend - gave the man a bit of bitchy intoxicated hell last night - but other than that - It was wonderful, fun and I cant write any more because I am that hungover...
Well maybe I can sum it up with a some words:

*Midnight swimming
*Champagne Champagne Champagne
*Girl talk
*Moonbeam and Thumbelina
*Ice Cream
*Food - Lot's of delicious food: Salmon, Tuna, oysters, sorbet
*Expensive
*Lot's more swimming
*Restaurants
*Feeling sexy and laughing my head off!

Friday, 05 December 2008

I am in love...

With Long Street.
Where have you been my whole life?

I feel as though I have just awoken from a tomb. I will never set foot in another mall again.
I have discovered shops still making tie-dye dresses – I can’t believe it! Antique shops with thousands of gems to be discovered. Incense wafting in the streets, ice cold beers sitting on tiny wonky tables.

I brought a cappuccino, a hop skip and jump away from my office; they play jazz inside, it’s also a Wi fi hot spot, it is also next to a music shop which is African and funky and has display’s of tin guitars in the windows. The music hits you as you walk pasted – reggae – it totally reminds me of the old 206 in Orange Grove Joburg!

Now that is next to a book shop with about 20 books on display I would happily buy, which is next a GOTH shop!!!!! Good gracious flippin hell…words fail me!

I indulged in a dangerously flimsy and short, white dress that cost an exorbitant amount, but it’s summery and perfect for the occasion I have been looking forward to the whole year:

The Festival of Bubbles! It will be my third time and I am tremendously excited! A day in Franschhoek, sun, music, champagne, strawberries and a little white dress – perfection!

It has been a crazy week and I am so looking forward to this weekend!

Thursday, 04 December 2008

Looking for a home in JHB?

Before moving to Cape Town, I bought myself a little home – a dolls house. I absolutely loved it at first glance. It was like a house built just for me! More garden than home, an arched entrance with creeping roses, a lemon tree in the back yard, railway sleeper steps with white pebbles. I planted a bay tree and a bouganvillae and countless herbs. I planted thousands of impatients, ferns ,rose bushes and happily watched them grow. I cannot describe the joy I would experience watering my garden, spending Sundays at nurseries and sitting on my patio with a glass of wine. I would lie in bed at night, staring at my beautiful lilac walls and just smile. I was delighted with every new household purchase. It broke my heart leaving my doll’s house and then having to rent it out to someone who would never and could ever, love it and cherish it as much as I had – but it needed to be done, ( and besides I was trading my lovely home for a wedding, husband and house in the winelands – HA!) My tenant gave her notice about a month ago and ever since that letter arrived I was seriously considering moving back to Joburg and taking up residence in my beautiful home once again! Well I have come to my senses, and with my ever increasing enjoyment of single life in this beautiful city, I am looking for another tenant to look after my humble home for yet another year!

Beautiful little townhouse in a well run security complex. Very close to shopping malls and the highway. Perfect for a single female or male. There is 24 hour security, (which you need in Joburg!) Open plan lounge and kitchen with two bedrooms and one full bathroom. It has laminated floors throughout with a lovely small garden in the front, a covered patio and peaceful private garden at the back. Covered parking for two cars.

Landlady Extraordinaire

Tuesday, 02 December 2008

Frantic thoughts

It’s a slippery state of affairs. Learning new programmes, understanding the different dynamics that exist within different groups. Wishing I could type faster, learn faster. Feeling the tug of the holiday season along with work ambitions. Days are going by at lightning speed; my bank balance is doing the same. It is hot and my shoes are killing me, I want to sit and stare and think but I also want to complete a thousand projects and walk away feeling successful, motivated and excited. There is a plethora of diagrams and tables and images running through my mind but I can’t seem to collate the tasks in order to create something that makes sense. I am certain this isn’t making sense, but there is no time to deconstruct. So much stuff, so many people around all of a sudden.

Monday, 01 December 2008

Bad Hair day

It is going to be a long day. I am looking forward to sushi at lunchtime but Mondays really do suck. Monday is a day of insignificance, a day you know you will probably achieve very little, make allowances and justify this fact – because let’s face it guilt on a Monday will really just cause unnecessary misery.
It was a lovely weekend. Being a somewhat shy and rather reserved person, having very sociable neighbors in Stellenbosch has been a very pleasant experience. I have also learnt what it means to truly Kuir – a marvelous Afrikaans word for socializing, getting together in a rather unorganized, casual, warm and seamless manner. Many discussions about pots and pans, where to buy the best produce, how to make curtains on the cheap and how much we hate noise on Saturday mornings. I also discovered a wonderful store –I was the only sorry ass female in the dark about this miracle place – Plastics for Africa. It is amazing – R8 for a plastic tub on a hook – I have no idea what I will use this wonderful perfectly pink plastic bucket for – but I just know it will come in handy!
The weekend was sadly ruined by a really bad haircut – my hairdresser is German and I think he misunderstood me when I carefully mentioned that I wanted to keep my hair long! I hate it – I look ridiculous with a head of a thousand curls. I am going to have to do maintenance in the mornings – irons and blow dryers and shit – I hate hair maintenance!

Okay Monday you can finish now.

Thursday, 27 November 2008

Nostalgia

Thank Goodness it is Friday - my head has cleared and finally I am feeling more human!
I have started thinking about what it means to be away from home and away from those I love and cherish more than words can say, I am starting to wonder why I am here...but this could just be a sad bit of nostalgia!
My birthday celebration was fantastic! It was a surprise party, the one where you walk into a deadly silent house only to have your wits scared out of you once everyone leaps out and screams "surprise" In honour of my dark eccentricities the theme was Goth and I was happily welcomed with " House of Fun" by Madness and then a number of Rock classics. I drank copious amount of champagne in blood red flutes garnished with cherries and ate huge amounts of chocolate cake thoughtfully decorated with black icing and silver stars! It was all just too good to be true!
The gifts were personal, meaningful and mind blowing and ranged from handwritten letters of inspiring words, my most favourite perfumes, whiskey and wine (Which I couldn't bring myself to bring back to the Cape - having already traveled that distance already) and the most amazing scrapbook from my angel Mom - of my 30 years on this earth! There were tears...
Anyway I am thoroughly blessed, that is all I can say!


nostalgia  [no-stal-juh, -jee-uh, nuh-]
–noun 1. a wistful desire to return in thought or in fact to a former time in one's life, to one's home or homeland, or to one's family and friends; a sentimental yearning for the happiness of a former place or time: a nostalgia for his college days.
2. something that elicits or displays nostalgia.


My lovely dog.


The B day balloons!




The loveliest place in Jozi!


Wednesday, 26 November 2008

I am just a stunning picture of health

Well the flu beat me to the ground this time. My head is heavy and the occasional eruption of coughing and spluttering as caused many a work colleague to keep a safe distance. It feels as though my Joburg trip was a life time ago, it is a frantic time of year. Christmas just round the corner, and a thousand things to organise. I can’t believe my beloved November is almost over! I haven’t had time yet to take up all the “It’s your birthday month” special offers. (The Body Shop had the best loyalty program I have ever fallen for!)
There is so much to catch up on; this sickness has stolen some precious days from me – especially since I am starting to have so much fun in my life and so much fun in this city!

I just have time for two things:.

Damn the traffic department to hell!

and
LIVE TO THE POINT OF TEARS!

Thursday, 20 November 2008

Blah

I am so sick. I can’t hear, I can’t eat without gasping for breath. But I have decided it is a good thing, keeps me distracted from missing my family and friends back home. It keeps the nostalgia at bay.
Come now Friday, quickly…these old bones need sleep!

Wednesday, 19 November 2008

Back in the city

It was a crazy weekend! I have never crammed so much into two days before!! The Joburg sun was bright and hot, the people were awesome! I forgot how many men there are in Joburg and the women…they are tough chickens!
It was AWESOME! As soon as I stepped off the plane, my immune system weakened in the wind and now I am horribly sick – I feel goofy and completely out of it!
I am really looking forward to this weekend so I can recover!

Friday, 14 November 2008

Happy Birthday to me!

14 November 2008

It is a beautiful day, it is Friday and it is my 30th Birthday!

I can't say I feel oder - BUT - no one can mess with me now - I have clout - I am 30!

Exciting times ahead and a weekend of celebrations!


Wednesday, 12 November 2008

The Crystal ball effect

ExMi is giving away a tarot card reading. I have always had a fascination with tarot cards. I was given my first pack of cards by this crazy friend of mine from high school who fell pregnant at 16 and was sent to a single mother’s home in Pretoria. The girl was as wild as they come and would talk me into doing all sorts of questionable things – which is another story entirely. Anyway she decided the best way to make her life more enjoyable in the confines of a home, was blatant stealing.
Six months pregnant, and she was walking out of shopping malls armed to the hilt with stolen goods and hitching a ride home. Sadly she died of an overdose nine years ago – but the cards were a gift from her and I can only believe that she stole them with the kindest of intentions, given her reality at that time! I can’t help but think of her when I think about the tarot, and the day she made me cut my finger so we could become blood sisters.

My first reading had a profound effect on me especially this card which seemed to be the dominant one at the time:
I hope that my hermit stage is coming to an end!

I contemplated getting another reading a while ago, but decided to go see a career psychologist instead – it was a huge massive waste of time and money. The old retired man asked me what I think I am good at and what would I like to do, I was like duh – not work! His advice was to get into something creative – he really dazzled me with his insight!

I like the idea of the cards as a guide; I am attracted to the idea that a picture can tell a thousand words. I don’t believe for one minute that there is anything sinister and evil in this fascination, that is the type of mentality as people thinking devil worshipers lurk around every corner! Ancient mystic arts can’t all be idealist foolishness – can they? It is probably the old goth in me…

What I have learned in my twenties.

*Life really can be full of surprises, from the physical beauty around us to the surprising kindheartedness of people.
*We can always hurt someone, often more than we realise.
*Not everyone is like me, what I deem correct and true is not necessary the same for others.
*People often mistake my passion for being stressful and intense.
*It is always easier being honest, once I have been lied to by someone, regardless how small and seemingly harmless their lie has been – my feelings towards them change forever.
*Fear is common in every human being and is often mistaken for selfishness or arrogance.
*Reading results in a massive subconscious accumulation of knowledge never fully realised but continuously appreciated in the strangest moments. Reading also allows for a much needed rest from reality and refreshes the imagination with possibility.
*Appearance is important. As much as I wish it weren’t true, how you present yourself is how you are judged, people are fast and lazy thinkers. The trick is to reflect your personality into your presentation and not appear superficial.
*There are people who say many things and do nothing. I quickly lose faith in those people.
*It is far more important to listen than to talk, as long as the other person has the same respect – because sometimes I need to be heard.
*I love being on my own, but it is far from the happiness I experience being surrounded by people who sincerely love me. There is also no greater loneliness than spending time with someone who regards your company as insignificant.
*You learn to love someone when you forgive all their faults.
*There is nothing unusual about wanting a fairytale. There are those who have found theirs on this mortal earth and I want mine.
*Hangovers will always ruin your day – unless you are happily in love and get to spend the day in bed with your lover who also likes bad TV.
*Turning thirty is not going to be the end of my world!

There are many more...maybe tomorrow

Tuesday, 11 November 2008

Not too much going on

I think I have indulged in enough dramatics for one week – I am making myself cringe.
It is so windy – I fear leaving this building and taking flight! It has been a very long day and now I am looking forward to a lovely dinner with a friend, a bottle of wine and a good night’s sleep!
As long as I make to my car in one piece.
The answer my friend is blowin in the wind…

Monday, 10 November 2008

Drama queen unleashed

Finally after trying on an exhausting amount of clothes with colour, I finally ended up with items of beige and white and one gorgeous long purple skirt. A tiny modicum of success. I even tried on this amazing looking yellow and black striped maxi dress at YDE, but to my horror the voluminous and sexy shape had been created by a weird tail sewn on the back. It had to be the most ridiculous item of clothing I have ever encountered! I stood for a good couple of minutes holding my tail, looking in the mirror and wondered if the world had gone mad. Anyway colourful clothes are the very least of my troubles!

I am going to be in a state of mourning for the next four days! I know I am being silly, I know I am being dramatic – but hell I will get onto the cheerful balloon of denial and or acceptance once Elvis leaves the building. By Elvis I am of course referring to my twenties!
My rocking roaring, exciting, devastating, tragic and happy twenties. I am saying goodbye to the girl and begrudging saying an unenthusiastic hello to the women.
I will lament, I will be shamelessly bitchy, selfish and irrational. This is a space which allows me to be honest and the truth is I am not happy about turning thirty! I am horrified. Sure it is in the attitude, sure I am my own worst enemy. But flippin hell, I will be over the hill soon, the wrong side of the hill. It all goes downhill. I know it isn’t the same for everyone, from what I have seen and heard some people embrace their thirties like it’s a new pair of jeans, most women look more beautiful and happier and that’s cool– but I cannot go down gracefully – it just isn’t in me!
The man thinks it is hilarious, he of course crossed the hill some time ago and has made peace with it all. The devil in me has him directly in the firing line, the part he has played in my tragic fear of becoming old can never be underestimated! Last night I almost threw a steaming hot pie at him!

Well I must go get a facial – pampering has suddenly taken a more serious role of preservation!

Friday, 07 November 2008

The Random Thought Meme

I have been tagged by the vivacious ExMi and sweet Tay to do this meme: (ExMi recons I need this!)
Word for the week in my head...
Dammmnnnnnnn
Thought for the week in my head...
I am digging this job!
Thing for the week in my life...
GPS, I got soooo lost leaving town because I was trying to drive and read directions at the same time – it’s just not good enough – I need the real McCoy, someone to shout at me!
Song for the week in my head...
Every time someone says something about songs, off she goes again inside my head…or should I just keep chasing pavements…..I WANT TO SCREAM RIGHT NOW
Food for the week in my belly...
is absolute rubbish. I have been eating very little or utter crap. Today I had a cannoli for breakfast. (I really love saying that word,cannoli, cannoli, canolie. Seeing the word written is just not quite as powerful!)
Colour for the week in my life...
Black, always black, can't escape the black…
Smile for the week on my face...
I can’t fit under my desk – my legs are too long! It is hysterical!
Blessing for the week in my heart
I am going home soon, to see my wonderful family and my gorgeous sweet dog! I really miss having a pet…

Okay - I am really not sure who has or hasn't done this - but I tag Sunrise, Rox, Po and Redframe (Who I will forgive not doing it because her big day is right round the corner!)

Here are the rules:
1. Link back to the meme creator (cathjenkin)
2. Link back to me
3. Share your random thoughts list
.4. Tag as many people as you like.

Tick tock...

Damn felt useless today. Had an interesting time in the city last night – My first adventure on Long Street – Thanks to Rox! It was great to meet so many interesting people.
It was quite a weird feeling taking out my blog persona into the real world!

I have had a pretty impressive week and now I fear a pretty boring weekend!
Some of my weekend highlights will probably be
Eastenders omibus
A couple bottles wine
Hopefully, should the sun shine and the pool remain vacant, a bit of tanning
Attempt #2: shopping for some colour

Lot’s of sleep and lots of planning – next week this time I shall be thirty in a different city




Thursday, 06 November 2008

meme x2

I have been tagged by the lovely Rox, so here goes:

1. Sunday Stealing’s McDanger Meme
———————
What are your nicknames?
An old friend calls me Thumbelina – I can’t really remember why?
What TV gameshow or reality show would you like to be on?
Rockstar ‘supernova’
What was the first movie you bought in VHS or DVD?
Braveheart
What is your favorite scent?
Ja’adore and Opium
If you had one million dollars to spend only on yourself, what would you spend it on?
An apartment facing the sea – although with a million it would probably have to be a like a one bedroom, little, tiny….hell a million really isn’t much these days is it? Okay then a black shiny little sports car! (well that’s if it is rands – with dollars; definitely the beachfront apartment!)
What is one place you’ve visited, can’t forget and want to go back to?
Scotland
Do you trust easily?
Yes – I tend to be quite gullible, maybe in my thirties I will learn!
Do you generally think before you act, or act before you think?
Sometimes I over analyse too much and then I am frozen and do nothing
Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
Yes – being treated like a piece of furniture by the man who used to rock my world!
Do you have a good body image?
I don’t think so.
What is your favorite fruit?
Strawberries
What websites do you visit daily?
Blogs, Gumtree, I Google just about everything and go from there.
What have you been seriously addicted to lately?
The sun, my phone, Chardonnay, digestive biscuits and yoga
What’s the last song that got stuck in your head?
Something about chasing pavements
What is your favorite thing to wear?
Long dresses
Do you think Rice Krispies are yummy?
Yuk – no, but I do remember those ones with little marshmallows, that was pretty cool!
What would you do if you saw $100 lying on the ground?
Think that it is finally my lucky day!
What items couldn’t you go without during the day?
Phone, smokes, my car, handcream and sunglasses
What should you be doing right now?
Working
———————2. Unconscious Mutterings Meme ———————
I say … and you think … ?
1. In love
… what is love?
2. Be my guest… Fool
3. Number one… Must renew my driver’s license
4. Swallowed whole… Oysters
5. 50 percent… happy
6. Made in… heaven
7. Supplement… Vitamin C is very important for smokers
8. Right for… now, it is all about the attitude.
9. Endless… dreams
10. Ceramic… I really should have gone for those classes all those years ago, it was such a cool studio…I can only imagine what I could have made…



Clearing away the dust

So far, so good. I am really enjoying this new environment. I do seem a bit tall for my desk which is quite an odd phenomenon, but I am loving the systems and I am loving the clinical professionalism that leaves me in peace.
What a crazy week it has been! It has been impossible to sit and take stock and with the Joburg trip just around the corner, to do lists are being created in my dreams.


In this spirit of all being new and shiny I spent two hours clothes shopping yesterday with the steadfast determination of buying clothes with colour. It didn’t work! With the purchase of three additional little black numbers, Skip Black is now officially my most used laundry detergent


I am so happy Americans have finally come right – I was really doubtful it was going to happen, especially with their tendency to remain ignorantly happy. Out with the old and in with the new - all around -from my little microenvironment into the world beyond!

Monday, 03 November 2008

New Kid on the block

Day One – all is pretty weird. I am a bit of an emotional wreck. Tired, stressed and people shy. The weekend went by in a bit of blur. Had the most horrific farewell one can imagine – God I am glad to be out of there!

It’s the lovely month of November!

Tuesday, 28 October 2008

Coffee and dirty thieves

I have just been robbed! BASTARDS stole my credit card from right under my unsuspecting nose! But HA the laugh is on them – I only had about R50 remaining credit and blocked the card in lightning seconds!! Dammit – this has just broken my crime free stay in Cape Town – but perhaps in Joburg I would have been a bit more cautious. I should have know that should two men smelling distinctively of a soap free bathing routine, standing around in a fancy coffee shop reading a newspaper practically in my lap that meant trouble – but noooooooo I was too consumed with irritation at how some people have no sense of person space!
Oh well, I have just been forced to curb my spending for a week – thanks assholes!

Thirty degree’s outside

Here it is – The final week of work. I am pretty excited, but it is getting to that time of year when the beaches call your name, when you find yourself sitting in rush hour traffic, experiencing a sudden unnerving envy for those camera laden, pink fleshed tourists; en route the V&A Waterfront to gawk at some fish life then perhaps indulge in some of the Cape’s wines, drinking up the scenery.
And then, should the rhythm get them - stop and watch a couple of African Dancers enthusiastically stomp the pavement, have an excessively large, cold German Beer with snacks of sausages and six different types of mustard. They might decide that before they check back into their hotel for poolside sundowners, perhaps a quick jaunt in Camps Bay would be nice, a walk along the beach with an ice-cream! Especially because it is, after all, a hot, sexy, delicious, windless day!

Then your envy becomes a little demon in its own right, and ideas of quitting the rat race and investing in a beach hut and a beaded necklace business, suddenly seems like a highly plausible option!




Monday, 27 October 2008

One more to go!

I wrote another exam today - I have spent two days in some kind of Red Bull induced trance. Finally I am waking up, only to have to drag my sorry ass to work tomorrow. Four days left...

Thursday, 23 October 2008

The perfect lunch for one

1x avocado cut into small chunks, and covered with lemon juice
1x Tomato cut into small wedges
Woolies mixed leaf ready-washed salad leaves
Add reduced-fat woollies prawn cocktail at the very end!

YUM

I went to the Ambassador Hotel last night and we ate at Salt. It is incredibly beautiful and had the food not been as good as it was, I would have hardly noticed anything else besides the waves crashing immediately below us! It was superb!

My new phone arrived today – through a crisis of indecision I chose the Blackberry Curve. Only problem now is learning how the hell to use it. My guess is I will be pretty occupied for the next couple of days!

I am so looking forward to a beautiful sunny weekend!

Wednesday, 22 October 2008

Some strange things may appear

I am really bored with the look of my blog and intend to make changes. I am a complete moron when it comes to these things, but I am going to try my best.

I can see the finish line

I just saw the funniest clip on I Mod’s web-site: Click here. There is nothing like a bit of slap stick comedy on the evening news!!!
I am visiting some people in Bantry Bay tonight and really looking forward to the excursion. I would actually do anything these days to break routine.
Had another early night last night, so today I am feeling pretty damn fantastic! The worst thing about going to bed early is I normally wake up at four in morning, exploding with a thousand ideas about my life. The ideas are so brilliant that I end up trying to write everything down, before I go back to bed. Yesterday morning I practically finished an entire power point presentation before 5am.

The termination documents are a constant pain in the ass. If I have to sign one more document or copy my hideous ID photo one more time I will scream!

This is one event I cannot wait for: The Whiskey Live Festival. 5th to 7th November. I have only been once before and loved it!
It is a fantastic opportunity to taste the best of the best, a wee dram of something completely unaffordable!

Come on Sunshine - nearly there!

Tuesday, 21 October 2008

Working the day away

It has been a hell of a day! My desk looks like a bomb blast site! I had a good, clean sober night and find myself actually looking forward to the rest of the week!
It is cold and windy outside – but the perfect weather for yoga!

I haven’t been able to read a single blog, but intend to make up for it tonight.

For now:

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream―and not make dreams your master;
If you can think―and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings―nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And―which is more―you’ll be a Man, my son!


by Rudyard Kipling

What a wonderful Poem!



Monday, 20 October 2008

Disappointing restaurant or disappointing company?

My endless optimism never fails to amaze me! Dinner on Saturday night at one of Cape Town’s finest Winelands restaurants – Tokara. All week I thought about my hair, my shoes, which dress to wear. I used my last remaining drop of expensive perfume, straightened my hair and really looked forward to an evening of wining and dining.

There has been many incredible things this man has brought into my life. He introduced me to the world of gardening; I had no idea the type of therapy there is in sinking your hands into the earth, planting seeds then watching them grow.
He inspired a confidence in me, that I could do anything I set my mind on doing. He was very encouraging and supportive. He also introduced me to an exciting, fulfilling and uninhibited sexual relationship, a world I had not known before. Then our reason for meeting in the first place: the world of food and wine. We have had the most amazing dinners in the most beautiful and respected venues. From fine dinning, to bistro – we have had evenings of great splendour. All these things deepened my love and appreciation for him and what we had together.
Back to the present state of affairs: Unfortunately, he does very little for me in the confidence department, I think the last compliment I received was “You look sunny” and the bedroom is about as eventful as mould on walls.
The hole in the wall we live in, does’t offer much opportunity to garden and finally Saturday night I acknowledged the death of our last shared passion. He had as much charisma as the bread roll on the table. I, as usual, overcompensated for the lack of conversation by turning into Susie chatterbox. All illusions of romance I still had went out the window, when presented with the bill, he split it! What I haven’t yet mentioned is that this was a dinner for our seven year anniversary. I was delighted he remembered I was thrilled he was taking me to a restaurant where I had wanted to go for ages; finally the guy was showing me he still cares. What the fuck – I paid half the bill! Seven years, seven is a bad number, it gives me the creeps.

Anyway Tokara’s food didn’t disappoint. The starters were very uninspiring and rather bland. But the main courses were lovely and the setting is just spectacular! Our table was awful. I just don’t know why you would seat two people at the top of your restaurant, facing the entrance and with their backs against the entire restaurant. They lost our booking, so we got the ass end table. Of course the man didn’t want to make a fuss, so I just had to sit through the irritation, clenching my jaw every now and then. I also don’t dare complain too much, because then he gives me this exasperated look, and I know all will not end well!

Well I need to keep my spirits up this week – its going to be a long one. I have much to do and organise and I am really starting to look forward to my JHB trip in a couple of week’s time.
I want to do a bit of a detox this week, get on the straight and narrow and devote my last remaining days of being twenty something to feeling good and healthy and excited for what the future may hold.

Thursday, 16 October 2008

Hiding under the covers

Stuck in a bit of a rut at the moment. Not too much interest in the world, or people.
I really need to drag my ass to yoga tonight.

It is probably due to the draining environment I have sit in for another eight more days, or the realisation that I will be starting a new job soon. (Why the hell didn’t I organise myself some time out???) Everything just seems so uncertain. So contrary to what I had planned and hoped for this October 2008. At home and at work. The distance between the two hasn’t been that easy lately. I left at seven last night, only to be stuck at the scene of a horrific accident on hospital bend. An up-side down car and thousands of flashing lights. And then there is the impending 30th birthday...Oh dear!

So yes – a wee bit of a rut.

Wednesday, 15 October 2008

Blackberry Curve 8310 vs. Blackberry Pearl 8110

Pearl Curve


Sadly I am feeling about creative as a can of beans, but I do have a very real dilemma!

The day has arrived. It has been a two year wait. Fortune favours the brave. It is time to move away from good, old, safe as houses- Nokia and experience something a little different!
I tried Samsung for a while, I still feel uneasy remembering how I struggled getting back into the Nokia vibe. Changing my cell phone has climaxed into one of the most important decisions I need to make. I love gadgetry, new inventions, and toys. If somehow a PlayStation found its way into my home, I think I would turn / expand into a very different person!
So now I have made the bold move to turn to Blackberry. The big question is The Pearl or The Curve? I dont need too many fancy things - I just need to love it!
First impression: I would love a phone called The Pearl – it is so sexy. It conjures up images of Pearl necklaces, lace and black velvet. The Curve – well that just sounds like that silly ‘women- only’ gym. Why on earth would you want to go to a gym when there are no men around? Men working hard, lifting weights, doing sit ups, bench presses ….I digress.
High level research findings: There is no 3G on either phone, which is slightly concerning. It looks like The Curve has better GPS functionality. The Pearl also has GPS but it looks like you have to register and pay a monthly amount to access this facility. The Curve is also bigger – with a bigger LCD screen.
I can’t seem to find out which one is newer – that plays a huge factor in the decision. When it comes to choosing a phone for two years – I believe in going large! My phone needs to be the cake, eat the cake and then bake another!

I will continue with the research! What a lovely distraction!

IT IS A BEAUTIFUL DAY

Thursday, 09 October 2008

A Face that tries and fails to hide the stuff inside

Exam one is over – it was rather disastrous, but it is over. Exam Two is on Monday. Accounting a.k.a the wrath of hell in a book! But at least I have brushed the dust off my desk and now I am looking forward to getting into the zone this weekend and more importantly a trip to Walton’s to purchase a fresh stash of stationary. I actually really do love studying, for the life of me I can’t think why. I even love sitting in the exam room. Maybe it just makes me feel young…

The workplace has turned even nastier. There was one girl who I thought sweet, maybe even had potential for some great things – she disappointed me horribly. I am a loyal person, very possibly loyal to a fault and when people disappoint me and let me down, I am always shocked by my reaction. As hard as I try to cultivate a Fuck You attitude on my face, my adrenaline pumping heart always gives me away and shakes me to the core. Up until recently the accelerated heart beat accompanied a maddening rise of heat to my face; somehow I think I have managed to control this little outburst of horrors. But the heart, she just wont tow the line. Anyway it is a little reminder how things do work out in the end. I am leaving; I really don’t need to care.

It will be good if the sun shines this weekend. My legs are practically transparent.

Here’s to the almost end of a long, arduous week.

Monday, 06 October 2008

Resolutions for the week

*Stop feeling so bloody sorry for yourself
*Study like a maniac tonight and pass the exam
*Don’t be disappointed if tomorrow is winter again
*Go to Yoga at least three times this week
*Go to bed early and wake up early; starting tonight
*Stop scowling at people who walk slowly

*Check your spelling


The weekend that hurried by

I have never slept so much in my life. When I get depressed I just sleep. I start by closing my eyes and allowing myself to imagine the impossible. At first I start with my current predicament and then imagine how it could turn around, possibly by the simple purchase of red roses and an apology – I mean really: I am that easy!
Then when I start to realise that I am actually feeling sad staying within this realm of reality I start to imagine bigger and more extravagant scenarios. Ridiculous things like winning a fully booked and staffed hotel in Italy and dinner with Prince William in Paris, followed by a couple of drinks with Slash in New York! Like publishing an award winning sexy masterpiece of literary genius, where I deconstruct the inner workings of a normal twenty year old female (Normal ; and what exactly is normal? Deconstruction at it’s finest!) I know – pure insanity – but it makes me smile!

The best dreams are those of falling in love. Being in love and feeling completely loved. Sometimes I could curse this silly, soppy, girly and pathetic side of myself, but it is what I want. So yes I spent many hours in and out of dreamland, and often I wished I didn't have to wake up!

'Dreaming permits each and everyone of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives.'
William Dement


Yesterday the distractions were endless. My complex was alive with pool side braai’s, tanning and cocktails. As hard as I tried, I could not focus on Industrial Marketing, (Which now takes it’s place right next to accounting as the most boring subjects I have ever had to endure!)
A glass of wine in the sun or shivering in the sun-less / love-less hole I sadly call home – mmnnn tough one!
So Sunday afternoon was just lovely, because I decided life is just too short and afternoons of sunshine have been too damn rare to waste. I also had a very interesting conversation with an extremely sexy man in tight black shorts!

Today I get the distinctive feeling that the only people working in the city are the cafe / restaurant owners, it is buzzing everywhere! It is such a gorgeous warm day!

Friday, 03 October 2008

Shot to hell

Sheez I am shot.
This week has sapped every bit of energy right out of me.
The resignation, the emotional abuse, the late nights, the new indulgence of Whisky sours, the long drives home, all the highs and lows and to make matters worse no yoga! This weekend I have a very week resolve to immerse myself in books and stationary.
Right now I just want to sleep and dream. Dream about another world, another life another love!

Thank the heavens and the moon and the stars it is Friday!

Thursday, 02 October 2008

Necessary Colourful contemplation

I began my post graduate studies in English Honours – Unfortunately it was a time in my life when studies came second to clubbing, traveling and dying my hair weird and wonderful colours. It will always be a regret of mine that I didn’t complete my year, but I know one day I will return. One of my favorite subjects and sources of inspiration and meaning was in learning about Existentialism. It was taught to us through books like Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead –about the two seemingly insignificant characters in Hamlet and then in Waiting for Godot – a brilliant play by Samuel Beckett. From this I developed an interest in Sartre and Nietzsche and then an unquenchable thirst for an entire history of philosophy. I love how philosophy and history can be experienced through literature. I definitely feel out of touch and strangely enough it was an episode of Swingtown which I was half listening to last night which reminded me of the “Authentic Self” There is so much pseudo psychology, Opera endorsed sentimental, self praising bullshit out there. I find great comfort in thinking about these old guys and their quest for meaning - not often finding any!I remember doing some internet research all those years ago and the thrill I felt discovering some references to existentialism – tonight I fully realise how information has exploded – endless information available on any subject. There is simply no excuse for ignorance of any kind! I almost feel as though I have no business writing about a school of thought so heavily researched and debated.
"Man is nothing else but that which he makes of himself. That is the first principle of existentialism."
Jean-Paul Sartre 1946


It is good to start thinking about this again. I feel as though my life has become smaller over the years and this man has had a detrimental effect on how I regard life and reality. It is good to start to feel free again, even though it is just formulating in my mind. I have to start somewhere. There is nothing I want to do more right now than to curl up in bed with a book – but tragically exams start again on Tuesday!


Tuesday, 30 September 2008

Bad deeds do not go unpunished

I suppose it is a bit of poetic justice. I had planned on blogging about my strategic plan of a reign of terror during my final month stint - but it wasn't meant to be. Blog sites have been blocked by the almighty suppressor of firewalls and security checks! But all is not lost! I am happily sitting on beautiful wine farm enjoying the sunset and drinking a glass of wine! It is 06:45pm and still not dark - finally whispers of summer!



I was thrilled to read about one of 302's marvelous cocktail creations under my humble name and I intend to enjoy one of these tomorrow evening, on the wine farm, watching the sun setting! Thanks 302!



All is well. (We have a new Health Minister)

Monday, 29 September 2008

Deliciously new and satisfying

I got the job. Elation, joy and happiness are words not quite big enough to describe the relief. I start in a month therefore it will be a month no one will forget.
Again the skies are grey and the streets are wet, but my there is a wonderful feeling of sunshine and light knowing that my time here has a definitive end!

I am balancing hangover on top of hangover from a weekend celebrating to the max. Grocery shopping on Saturday was definitely the most unsuccessful shopping excursion ever made. In between buying the most ludicrous items one can imagine, I had to have a number of smoke breaks in-between item selection. It was like running a marathon!

There is much to do and many to torment!

I am in the mood for a devilish day!

Thursday, 25 September 2008

and Happiness is...

A fire in September!
Braai Day - rained out!
Politics - What fresh hell is this??
Word of the Day:
Voracity \vuh-RASS-uh-tee\ noun
: the quality or state of being ravenous or insatiable.
Most interesting Stats:
33 884,143 - abortions this year (not including abortions due to maternal health risks)(This actually increased to 33 884,730 - since I started on this post)
This site is mind blowing: Worldometers

Really bad night last night! He was horrible and cruel - apparently I got a taste of my own medicine. I wonder does this make him feel vindicated? He knew today was a big day for me - he knows I have been on an emotional rollarcoaster ride the last couple of days - I dont really know him anymore.

I dont want to write this stuff down, I am so tired!

Monday, 22 September 2008

a little sideline rant

Who the hell is Velocity Call centre and why have they phoned me twice a day offering me a free cell phone, R1000 worth of PnP vouchers and then Insurance? And why does it sound like they are phoning from the back of a truck? Why is it necessary to explain that they are phoning on behalf of Metropolitan life and Autopage celluar? Is this supposed to offer me comfort? Did autopage receive a nice bundle of money for selling my phone number? When is this bullshit going to end? I hope there is no one stupid enough to fall for this crap – because the minute you say Yes – boom you are recorded and the contract is signed – you then end up with God know’s what! It is terribly unethical – it really needs to end.

Velocity Call Centre - I am afraid your guys are doing a very poor job of sounding even remotely authentic!!

Beautiful Cape Town




It is a beautiful day today!!! Summer have you actually arrived???

High Absenteeism has created a lovely peaceful and tranquil environment in the workplace, and this weekend can only be described as 'rustig' which for an English girl is quite an unusual thing to say - it might be the upcoming "National Braai Day ' which I find myself incredibly excited to take part in!!

I know it is Monday - I might make myself sick reading this cheery post tomorrow.

Anyhoo...Here's to Sunshine, warmth, beaches and da mountains

Farewell Mr Mbeki - I don't know much, but I appreciated your dignity and words. I loved your smile and enthusiasm when our boys won! Farewell.

Friday, 19 September 2008

Dream the impossible dream....lah lah lah

Yay, yay, yay – I am very close to getting out of this rat hole! I shouldn’t be counting any chickens yet, but it is looking good and hopefully at the salary I want and desperately need. I just need to stay calm for a while and keep any yelps, jumps and skips carefully contained within myself! I cannot write anymore- I am at my wit’s end!

Wednesday, 17 September 2008

Why I love South Africa


I was tagged by Rox and doing this has cheered me up immensly!

Five Reasons Why I love South Africa

1. Our sense of humour

Sometimes we laugh at the silliest things, we make fun of each other and despite coming from a variety of different backgrounds, with diverse cultures, language and religions the average South African can easily crack a joke with a complete stranger!

2. Our sense of Justice

Very often I see the kindness and generosity of strangers assisting fellow South Africans. I have also witnessed the shared anger among people when someone, public or otherwise has been unfairly treated.

3. The humorous banter between cities

This was best encapsulated by the SAA ad. The Cape Tonian talking about the mountain and wine, The Joburg girl with her special brand of Sandton speak and the Durban surfer with his sunshine kissed blond hair.

4. Our adverts, the media

No one will ever forget the Vernon’s Koekemoers bombastic rise to fame based on a pair of shorts and a hairstyle – now embraced by Vodacom and Nandos.
The creation of the word ‘Snice’ thanks to KFC
The beautiful ad’s of Alan Gray and Investec and the thought provoking ads of Sasol.
There are many, many, more – I really think we can be proud of our advertising standards in this country.
Then there is our weird take on celebrities in this country – we just don’t stand for kissing ass if you are a celebrity. We do respect and offer our praise and support, but expect too much and think for one minute than you are better than the rest of us and we will be pissed! – It is so un-American and I love it!

5. The almost unbelievable natural Beauty

‘ I owe my being to the hills and the valleys, the mountains and the glades, the rivers, the deserts, the trees, the flowers, the seas and the ever-changing seasons that define the face of our native land.’

Thabo Mbeki
An excerpt from ‘I am an African’


(I must add: Our Rugby players)

Okay - now I tag: Sunrise, Redframe and Louisa

1. Link back to the meme creator (Caz)
2. Link to the person who tagged you (me)
3. Link back to the originator of the positive SA blog movement (Cheap Thrills)
4. Give 5 reasons why you love SA
5. Tag at least 5 people

Interactions with the office prodigies

"So tell me do the vending machines accept the new R5 coin?”
"Yup.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yup!”
Three R5 rand coins and ten minutes later, after the empty handed trek back to my desk.
“It didn't take the R5 coins.”
“Oh – because usually what I do is use the coke machine downstairs with my R5 coin then cancel my order and use the change upstairs!”
F…U…C…K
“Can I quickly use your PC? My laptop is crashing and I need to finish a report in two seconds” “No Problem.”
Proceeds to get up and locks PC.
“I‘ll be back now.”
Returns half an hour later.
“Thanks”
“Oh, but I thought when you pushed Ctrl + Alt + Delete, it won’t really lock the PC – does it really lock it? Hey guys? Does it lock it…..?”
F…U…C…K

Friday, 12 September 2008

C'est la vie

Okay – enough is enough. Goodbye week. Goodbye 8 to 11 September 2008. There were some moments of joy, some foolishness, some pain and some sorrow. I cleaned, I drank and I had many nights of restless sleep.

Hello Friday – freedom and cocktails. Please don’t let me down! I don’t ask for much – but a sexual encounter would be nice. Or maybe if I could stumble upon a bit of money – somehow, or a free car perhaps?

I could actually be very much satisfied if the sun continues to shine. You need to remember you foolish girl – it’s the little things that count!!


Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
Max Ehrmann, Desiderata




Thursday, 11 September 2008

Just another night

Well dinner was a flop! I have spent the day feeling foolish at my optimism! Well tomorrow it is Friday so that is good! I intend to end the week with cocktails staring at the sea and figuring out what my next course of action will be! Or maybe it will be inaction...maybe I Will just spend some time in fantasy land!
I am sitting outside, sipping on a martini. The sun is shinning and my hair is behaving. Suddenly the cutest boy with the most amazing smile is kneeling in front of me.
"Hi - I am not sure if you remember me but I am in your yoga class, I have always wanted to talk to you and now here you are! You must let me buy you a drink"
Of course I recognised him - how do you forget such a perfect male body in tight black hot pants- holding the warrior pose like a God of war and pride, of course I recognised the man who had the sign of the Scorpio tattooed on his shoulder-the most beautiful shoulders I have ever seen, and those arms...those hands...now touching mine - softly almost shyly.

Dream Dream Dream!

Wednesday, 10 September 2008

Dinner tonight with him. I cant help but look forward to it - I am naive and foolishly optimistic!
Thank goodness today's office hell is at an end and finally it is warm outside!

Yes, Well, No, Fine


A bottle of Asara Merlot, a bowl of soup, a couple of strawberries and I was just fine! I have a clean house and perfection on every shelf!

Finally the sun is shining, albeit a rather chilly shine – it is very painful to think of the people up in Jozi wearing t-shirts and open toed shoes – my God they are probably even swimming!

Okay enough with the dwelling on what’s lacking, time for the inverse:
1. A truly wonderful and diverse family – I can swear in Lebanese, German and Greek
2. A lovely pair of Swarovski earrings from Dubai
3. A beautiful antique treasure chest which holds all my love letters and journals and the silliest things like an old cigarette box with my ex-boyfriends phone number and old till slips from nightclubs in London.
4. A collection of the most beautiful bottles of Champagne gathering dust – I will not touch them in my twenties!
5. I am still in my twenties
6. I am very happy with the effects yoga has had on my backside – it is quite remarkable - I may even splurge and get myself a sexy new bikini this summer.
7. I love reading and will always be grateful for the love of books instilled in me from a very young age – Thanks Mom
8. I can sms, do my make up and have a cup of tea sitting in traffic.
9. I am very good at rearranging furniture
10. I am a fantastic procrastinator!

Tuesday, 09 September 2008

It’s the little things


I am tired today. I need sleep and bedtime is far away,
I am lacking in certain areas

Okaaay. My stuff really needs to get sorted. I have procrastinated the day away and read everything I could type my way into, in-between cigarette breaks. I am tired and along with my severe lack of gusto I am also concerned about the lack of other bits in my life – Like:

1. A Tan
2.Patience
3.A guilt free relationship with SARS
4.Order and perfection in the home environment
5.Patience for the general population and their big ass heavy feet that cannot seem to move as fast as their mouths
6.Sex
7.Patience
8.My side rear view mirror
9.A well stocked fridge with healthy food and good liquor
10.My ability to be easy breezy and smile to all and sundry
11.Sleep – my bed – so far away
12.Budget control
13.Discipline – You are not paid to blog all day women!
14.Patience
15.Sex
16.Patience

This list has just made everything worse – I need some dark chocolate!

I think I may skip the yoga today – I think I might buy myself a bottle of Grouse and necessities. Eat chocolate and spring clean my cupboards! Yes I think that is the solution.

But I have just acquired a lovely word in my in-box

circumlocution \ser-kum-loh-KYOO-shun\ noun
*1 : the use of an unnecessarily large number of words to express an idea
2 : evasion in speech

And there is a mere 72 hours until Friday 14H00

Monday, 08 September 2008

Monday Blues

I swam to work today. Two hours of stop and go. Somehow I have avoided the traffic by leaving later than normal – but today I was stuck in the thick of it! Snails pace – there was a point I thought I would go crazy – when thoughts of just slamming down the accelerator and screaming seemed like a good idea – anything to escape the awful horrific confinement and mayhem of the roads.

It was a lovely weekend of wine tasting and ending with large amount of grappa in front of a fire. I love fires; I can stand for hours and hours just staring at fire. Unfortunately I have arrived at work with the fresh memory of fire still lingering on my clothes and in my hair – oh well!

I am so sad that my adventure into Cape Town didn’t work out the way I had planned. I really believed that I would have been married by now – at the very least engaged and planning my engagement party. I thought we would be spending our first Christmas together as a family in our own home. I think what has shocked me the most and even surprised me is how much this man has hurt me and let me down. Despite everything we went through It just blew my mind that he could treat me so carelessly. It is a very bitter pill to swallow. – I feel so foolish and sick at the mere mention of someone else’s dreams coming true. There is an empty gapping whole in the pit of my stomach. It is hard to step back and look objectively at the situation. It is hard to not feel stupid for allowing myself to get so hurt and for having so many dreams. To really love someone – to plan my future with them – okay you can have me – only to get it thrown back in your face. To have your every fault blown up and presented to you on an ugly humiliating platter of guilt, blame and selfishness. What meant the world to me; he brushed off as dust. I find myself staring at him wondering when the man who loved me will come back. I stare at myself in the mirror and wonder if the girl he loved will ever come back. Who knew I was so tragically romantic?


aarg Monday

Thursday, 04 September 2008

Sixty Niner

Since I have the brain capacity of a gnat today I decided to do these 69 questions: as previously done by Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills

1. What’s worse - Physical or Mental cheating?
I would have to say Physical – sometimes people’s thoughts go to places they shouldn’t.
2. Is it easier to forgive or forget?
I hardly ever forgive and forget, unless I can totally understand the situation
3. Can men and women be ” Just Friends?”
Yes - eventually – my best and closest friends are men
4. Dating co-workers?
Definitely not a good idea – I think it’s better if people at work don’t know too much about you
5. All expenses paid vacation to anywhere?
New York
6. On the way to the electric chair - What’s your last meal?
Oysters, Champagne, a freshly baked white bread with butter ham and cheese. Chocolate mouse and a King Cone
7. Water parks are…?
Where that rave type thing happens in Boksburg?
8. When you are “In Love” do you notice other people?
NO
9. Is flirting cheating?
No – as long as it isn’t my man flirting
10. Would you rather have 1 great friend or 5 pals?
1 great friend.
11. If someone called you a bitch would you be offended?
No – ‘When I am praised I am humbled but when I am abused I know I have touched the stars’ Oscar Wilde
12. Are you ok with your significant other being friends with an ex?
Not until I get to know her and see for myself what the dynamics between the two of them are like.
13. Would you live with someone without marrying them?
I didn’t want to – but did.
14. Favorite sport?
Test Rugby.
15. Is toilet paper hung over or under?
Always over
16. Do you squeeze toothpaste from the middle or end of the tube?
I really do try for the end.
17. How do you feel about tanning booths?
In SA - Why? We have sun and beaches...
18. Friends with benefits?
Would love to try it.
19. Do you believe in angels?
Yes.
20. Would you rather take pictures or be in pictures?
Take – I am not one iota photogenic
21. Have you ever flirted with someone you had no interest in?
Yes and the aftermath made me terribly regretful and guilty!
22. Ever kissed a random person and then walked away?
1996 New Years Eve White Horse Inn – I kissed many strangers
23. Would you buy bootleg merchandise?
No – the sellers scare me
24. What color looks best on you?
Black, red and white
25. If you could play any sport professionally what would it be?
Swimming
26. Ever break up with someone and regret it?
Yes – He was so intellectual, sweet and sexy and I was a stupid young girl obsessed with finding a guy with a Mohawk.
27. Are you a jealous person?
Yup
28. Would you ever have plastic surgery?
Maybe when I am older and stuff has turned south
29. When do you want to get married?
I thought I wanted to be married now – but I am not so sure anymore
30. Who has the sexiest accents?
Scottish
31. Next concert you’re attending?
Nothing in the pipeline
32. Favorite song?
There is no possible way I can answer that – it would turn into an essay
33. Favorite movie?
The Doors
34. What’s your occupation?
Too boring to mention
35. What’s your sign?
The sexiest sign - Scorpio.
36. Are you a beach, country or city person?
Beach – I flippin love the sea.
37. Best vacation spot you’ve been to?
Umhlanga Durban for two weeks in a penthouse apartment.
38. Have you ever had a “secret affair?”
Yes – it was thrilling
39. If you could own a non-traditional pet which would it be?
A pig.
40. Favorite show as a child?
Smurfs
41. Where do you spend most of your money?
Booze, petrol and ciggarettes
42. Are you currently working at a job that you hate?
YES
43. Have you ever been so heart broken that you called in sick to work?
too often
44. Favorite summer drink?
Champagne
45. Can you change a car tire?
Yes – I think so – but have yet been put to the test and I really love watching men doing car things with machinery
46. Favorite cologne / perfume?
Jadore
47. Favorite candle scent?
Lavender
48. Would you consider yourself adventurous?
Absolutely
49. What is your My Space profile song?
I really hate My Space
50. Favourite concert attended?
5 5fm concert many moons ago with Tracy Chaplin, Midnight Oil (i think?) and Sting. (My word I remember having dreadlocks that day)
51. Would you date an already attached man / woman?
No – I have been at the other end and would never want to cause someone so much pain
52. Would you sing Karaoke in front of co-workers?
Absolutely not (Unless it was like a group effort thing involving lot’s of drinks).
53. Can you shoot pool?
I suck at pool, even though I have played a thousand games and actually really enjoy it
54. Do you like your siblings’ significant others?
No
55. Can you drive a stick?
Yes
56. Did you wear white at your wedding?
I will.
57. Have you ever sat and hoped for a phone call?
Too often
58. Ever skip school and spend the day at the beach?
No Beach; skipped school to do pretty pointless things.
59. Favorite TV show?
The Tudors
60. What do you think about gay marriage?
Yay!
62. What are you waiting for at the movies?
Something good to show
63. What is your favourite holiday?
Christmas day
64. Describe your fighting style: drunken master or angry monkey?
Drunken monster
65. Piercing?
Only ears now but I have had: nose, belly, ears, eyebrow, tongue and my favourite was my lip.
66. Tattoos?
One day soon
67. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
Woolies
68. Thongs? yes or no.
Yes – too many I fear VPL
69. Write 2 truths and 1 lie
I really enjoyed doing this.
I have a terrible dislike of many symmetrical dots in one space.
I work in a beautiful office building with lots of plants and inspirational, good looking people.

Twas a good night

The head is swimming.

2x mojito’s
3x Champagne cocktails
1x can’t remember name but it was orange and contained brandy
2x Glass’s White
2x Glass’s red (Meerlust – couldn’t say no)

= Very difficult to type right now – feeling oddly elated. Must look like hell.
Got a speeding fine – must remember to not drive like a maniac after drinking. Silly girl!
I have no idea how I am going to get through the day. I think I need a coffee and something greasy, followed by Vitamin C, more make up and a long ‘staring at nothing’ session.
Good grief

Wednesday, 03 September 2008

Young love turning sour!

She is young. At twenty three she knows cocktails and party’s and is familiar with DJ’s from dingy clubs. She indulges in Crystal meth – a substance I have discovered is far more vicious than any of the evils around at my time! She is spoilt and selfish and is a fan of self promotion. It boggles my mind to think of a girl that age deciding to change her body forever. It boggles my mind, when I think how much my body has changed since I was twenty three. To think that larger breasts will surely bring happiness. I don’t know – I shouldn’t judge – I just don’t get it!
A young girl, wallowing in a pit of contradictions, finding temporary relief in chemicals and self-help books!
I would be inclined to feel sympathy, yet her words have caused great hurt to those I love. She loves to talk; she loves to throw her words around; carelessly.

My Dear,
I believe in Karma and be warned, because when someone humiliates you the same way you humiliated him; I doubt you’ll see it coming. A word of advice; use it / don’t use it: Chill the Fuck out on your empty words. They are no substitute for being a real genuine and sincere person – no matter how dazzling you think your words may be!

Tuesday, 02 September 2008

Winter wardrobe malfunction

Sheez I had to dig deep into my wardrobe this morning. I must have tried on every type of ridiculous outfit my tired and cold brain could think up. At some point it occurred to me to even try the long summer dress with thick black stockings and layers of jerseys. No matter how hard I tried accessorising, the look just wouldn’t come together. Okay – I have had enough of winter. I have had my boots repaired twice, I have dry-cleaned my coat three times and wearing so much black is starting to depress me! To go clothes shopping now would just be ridiculous and to be perfectly honest I would have been happier coming to work in my PJ’s!
So I am sitting here looking somewhat like a frigid librarian – the safe choice – a totally sexless collared shirt, generic blazer, and hair in bun, Yawn, boring, boring – no one would ever guess the shit going on inside my head.

YAY Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills recommended my little blog. Ha Ha – murder on the Dance Floor – not quite what I was going for – but hell it’s mine!

Monday, 01 September 2008

Being back...

Dream sequence:
I arrived home, my car heavy with all my belongings – all I owned or needed in the trunk of my car. He saw me arrive through the window – he watched as I got out the car and began unpacking – maybe he wanted confirmation that I had indeed come home. He held the door open for me as I walked in dragging bags and blankets, shoes and bags of sea shells. He smiled and said ‘Welcome back home baby!”

Reality:
I called him from the car park – I hadn’t planned on arriving so late and the lights were out – with a horrible pang of regret, It dawned on me that he might be asleep – I wouldn’t be able to get in – eleven at night and no where to sleep. So I called him. He sounded grumpy when he asked me what I meant by: I am home? I asked him to help me with my bags, a while later he sauntered down the stairs, took some bags off my shoulders – made a couple of remarks along the lines of: What the hell do you have in here?”
Eventually the torture was over – my bags lay strewn all over the flat. I poured myself a glass of wine – suddenly feeing very awkward and cold. He smiled and being a man of very few words sighed “Oh Well…” Then he went to bed. I fell asleep / passed out on the couch and woke up at about three in the morning. It was freezing, it was hell. I went to bed and lying beside him I burst into tears. He didn’t wake up.

Wednesday, 27 August 2008

Gareth Cliff you rock!

"You shook me all night long" ACDC baby! At eight in the morning! What a kick ass way to start the day! Thank you kindly Mister!



Tuesday, 26 August 2008

No More Mr nice guy!

Sorry my poor slow witted work colleagues – you never saw me coming. When for the hundredth time I mumbled ‘lending’ under my breath – as you were ‘borrowing out resources’ from your self appointed seat of authority. When I was browbeaten for keeping my comings and goings a top secret, breaking the fragile, personal and intimate connection of ‘the tiniest team that ever was’ consisting of ten. After all these wonderful little group sessions which occurs in the pit of disgust and grime, where the largest volume of drivel I have ever had the misfortune of hearing, oozes slowly out of your mouths, words hanging, mumbling – a language I have yet to comprehend. The time had come and you didn’t stand a chance. The bitch is back! I said my piece – in my world it translates as ‘keep the fuck out of my business’ but this had to be carefully phrased to be idiot proof and as transparent as your collective brain matter! It felt good. I have seriously had enough of these people.
There is smoke coming off the top of my head – I am like a well oiled machine today. All work and no play. The headphones are on and my face is set to ‘do not disturb or you will die’
I have cleaned my desk and ruthlessly attacked my stationary drawer. Nothing will prevent me from completing my to do list. Bring on the drivel and the pettiness because you haven’t seen anything yet!

I just received an email request – it’s a one liner – a beaut!

Note I are wanting our weekend report with late inclusive.” ?????@@#3$$%^^

I are wanting to clap you wiff the back of my foot!

Thursday, 21 August 2008

Random Musings


I want more! I want more in life. Is it too late to become a copy writer? Or a dress designer? Now that I am almost 30 – am I no longer regarded as being fresh and full of new ideas? Is it too late to become a lawyer? How hard am I actually prepared to work to better my lot? Should I make a five year plan – Success finally at 35??
I know I can no longer sit on my backside, I also know that this is my chance. I can no longer allow myself to be subdued into thinking that the clogs turn as they should and I am but a babe in the arms of destiny. No. Time for some energy and action.
It can be so frightening!

Wednesday, 20 August 2008

Misty Days

Last night, after an intense hour of yoga – where I believe I almost pasted out from the heat and absolute exhaustion – I ate an awfully healthy large bowl of salad and avo. (No salt, no salad dressing – all good) I was sooo chuffed with myself for avoiding the G&T that complements such a salad in such a beautiful way – that I proceeded to indulge in one chocolate biscuit and then another, until the box was finished. This was then followed by a bag of salt and pepper crisps – i.e. a bag of preservatives – I wonder if the G&T would have actually been a healthier option?
Having such a sober evening meant of course that I was wide awake at 4am this morning missing my man terribly! I finished Past Mortem by Ben Elton and unfortunately I found the ending somewhat predictable, it was a bit too Hollywood. I have no idea what I am going to read next!

There was the most amazing mist in the city this morning. I almost don’t want summer to come too quickly, the last couple of days have been so awesome. I am nervous of the arrival of holiday makers and tourists and even more congestion on the roads – but I am looking forward to the sun setting at eight!

After work plans; the ultimate goal: distraction and healthy living.
Yoga. Clean flat. Dinner of corn on the cob with the tiniest pinch of butter and garlic salt, followed by provita’s hummus and cucumber.
TV: nothing – why is Wednesday night the worst TV night??

The most irritating moment: the sound of the dude eating crisps and opening a can of coke first thing in the morning – like even before I have even had my first cup of tea. I really don’t like to hear people chewing and slurping: Yuk! Good grief what a classy joint!

Tuesday, 19 August 2008

Tuesday is a really rubbish day to come back to work

Back at work! Blah.
It was heavenly and now I am back at work.
The weather was gorgeous and now I am back at work.
Every night a different restaurant, a different cocktail – delight in Cape Towns winter specials and now I am back at work.
Walks along the beach, I finished two books and now I am very sadly back at work!

I must get my head right – A major detox is forthcoming. I am feeling very anxious and dark in the aftermath of my indulgence.

Sunrise you are soooo right;
I know now that drinking has a massive effect on me, for days afterwards I feel like a perpetual cloud hangs over me. When I don’t drink, I have huge pep, zest and go around feeling all happy go lucky. When I tear it up, I am shattered for days; I think its time to moderate that shizness...”

So that's what I intend to do - to moderate the shizness ;-)

Right now this job is just not doing it for me.

I have just started reading Ben Elton: Past Mortem
It contains one of the most disturbing sex scenes I have ever read and truly horrific murders. Nothing beats a good old fashioned crime novel with sex and booze! The man is brilliant.

Tuesday, 12 August 2008

Where the hell is my intuition?

I went for an interview yesterday. I had so hoped for freshly painted walls, leather chairs and glass desks, but alas, an old ugly building with it’s stock standard grey and cheesy posters of motivation. The people looked cool; there was a good vibe – younger, a bit more slick than my current environment. I got so stressed in trying to make up my mind after the interview that I had to go home for a gin and tonic! I tried to listen to my inner voice saying , “YES This is it – finally- your dream job!!” I am still stressing – where the hell is this intuition thing that I am supposed to be blessed with…isn’t that supposed to be one of the greatest gifts of being a women? Where the hell is mine – I have searched for it in meditation (attempts), I have read countless books, I have studied and watched people – God knows I have prayed.
I guess it will come down to list making. Pros and cons. Divided into sections of Financial, career development, parking, benefits, technology and bathroom facilities. Where idealism fails – logic must take her place!
I am going on leave tomorrow – for four happy, happy days. Late nights and late mornings!

Friday, 08 August 2008

Sunshine, Sushi and Song

I kissed a girl and I liked it – I cannot get that bloody song out of my head!!! It is not the most modest lyrics to be singing while walking through the office. I actually can’t wait to get home and start singing like a mad woman. The repression is killing me!

Friday – yay, yay, yay!

I have no idea what I am going to do – I have so successfully blocked visualising the future that I am incapable of making any kind of plans. I normally panic that one minute will go by unnoticed and under-utilised; but that is the old me: the new me is waiting to see what will unfold. Enjoying the moment – chillin’

Last night I sat at the bar of a very fancy restaurant – all on my ace. At some point I started to feel a bit like a first class hooker, I am either a sad weirdo or I have balls of steel – because it is not the easiest thing to do – eating alone in a posh restaurant! I am however determined to claw back my independence at any cost! Including the cost of over tipping because the bartenders took such good care of me! I loved them last night, like they were my own personal guardian angels!! I had sushi and skipped home – it was good!

Somehow – someway I managed to have a very productive week. I almost managed a handstand in yoga and I avoided spending a fortune at Kauai!

Now If only I could hear that song again…