Thursday, 27 December 2007

MotherShip

Thank you - you are keeping me going!!
Led Zeppelin - Stairway To Heaven There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold
And she's buying the stairway to heaven.
When she gets there she knows, if the stores are all closed
With a word she can get what she came for.
Ooh, ooh, and she's buying the stairway to heaven.

There's a sign on the wall but she wants to be sure
'Cause you know sometimes words have two meanings.
In a tree by the brook, there's a songbird who sings,
Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven.
Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it makes me wonder.

There's a feeling I get when I look to the west,
And my spirit is crying for leaving.
In my thoughts I have seen rings of smoke through the trees,
And the voices of those who stand looking.
Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it really makes me wonder.

And it's whispered that soon if we all call the tune
Then the piper will lead us to reason.
And a new day will dawn for those who stand long
And the forests will echo with laughter.

If there's a bustle in your hedgerow, don't be alarmed now,
It's just a spring clean for the May queen.
Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run
There's still time to change the road you're on.
And it makes me wonder.

Your head is humming and it won't go, in case you don't know,
The piper's calling you to join him,
Dear lady, can you hear the wind blow, and did you know
Your stairway lies on the whispering wind.

And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our soul.
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show
How everything still turns to gold.
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last.
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll.

And she's buying the stairway to heaven.

Almost time to say goodbye to 2007!

Being back at work today is extremely frustrating!! I long to be on the beach or to be back at home in JHB! Lying by the pool drinking a G&T with Mom and Dad! I must never do this again - go to work the day after coming back from Joburg - it is a killer - way too depressing - such a shock to the system!!

It was a great couple of days! The start and end was appalling - thanks to our bloody, incompetent, unpleasant, awful national carrier - South African Airways - you have to worst group of staff I have ever encountered. If you cant smile at your customers and be friendly at a time of year when everyone is feeling festive and excited - get another job - bunch of arrogant smug, stupid freaks!! Never, ever again - you cant even calm down when finally on your plane with a gin and Tonic - they no longer serve spirits, only warm old beer and shit cheap wine!! Shocking- South African Airways - flying from one of the best wine growing regions of the world and they serve cheap nasty rubbish with ice!! Never again. Kalula, One Time, British Airways - you now have my business. It may be only three or four trips a year - but I am consistent!

Time to be hopeful and happy and make plans for this year. Right now I cant, I am just too down!!

One last Christmas pic for the season:

Thursday, 27 September 2007

Another New World

I haven't written for quite some time! So much has happened! A new job - a new determination - and a familiar culture among all the shiny brilliance of a new start! I try not to think about my dark, ugly days at the farm - I was never going to fit in such an environment.
Went home for a wedding - me a Maid of honour in orange splendor - The bride, beautiful princess dress and tiara. I long for my turn!!
So far so good the job has been my saving grace - I just need to get to sleep earlier!
Not feeling too inspired right now...

Monday, 11 June 2007

I am English - You horrible toad of a women!!

I have finally had enough, I am far too kind natured to take this type of shit on a daily basis. I realy havent had much joy in this place when it comes to work, I need to find myself a business, I need to get a new job. I need to get the fuck out of here!! If I have to listen to one more string of incomprehensible Afrikaans I am going to scream!! I dont know what the fuck this women says half the time!! I have had enough, she has ruined the beauty of this place!!!!!

Wednesday, 25 April 2007

So here I am - Paradise on earth - Oh but for the incestuous, intellectually challenged, childlike, rude, petty and all together nauseating characters on the farm. Cruella De ville has been named so accordingly - even though I believe the name is far too stylish - for what is an elderly women behaving with such nastiness, pettiness and and all together ridiculous high opinion of her moral " Christian " self and her henchman: No teeth, a high propensity for violence and the most vulgar language I am ever heard. I cannot count the number of times I have had to swallow down my own bile whenever these two communicate in sickening sweet tones, filled with a desperation to make me feel like the outsider - which thank God is terrifically true and suicide be the best solution if this wasn't the case! and yet they continue, with poor high splutters of the local language and the odd burst of giggles, snorts and high pitched exclamations!!! The widowed Christian dinosaur and the dwarfed illiterate, vulgar - mother of who knows how many kids... A match made in the comedians heaven!

It is one thing to try and adapt to a city, slightly behind the times, but having lived a life like I have, having being surrounded by a certain class of people my whole life - this is proving to be the most difficult challenge I have ever encountered. I cannot seen to be open-minded, understanding or even remotely accepting. I have always believed that you must do whatever the hell you like in life - just don't be shit to people for no fucking reason!!!

Wednesday, 18 April 2007

Wednesday, 14 February 2007

Cape Town

Cape Town
- from Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Cape Town is a city on the coast of South Africa so called because the wearing of capes or
cloaks is compulsory within the city limits. It was founded by Batman on his way
to Melbourne from Holland in 1652.
Cape Town is also called "The Mother City", believed to be due to the highly expressive
vocabulary of the local dialect (in which the words "your mother" feature regularly) and
the cheap and nasty (but potent) local wine. A different school of thought believes the
origin of the name lies in the fact that it takes 9 months to do anything in this sleepy
hollow. Cape Town is situated on a sandbar under Table Mountain (so called because unlike
most mountains, it is flat). Cape Town became famous for the first successful heart
transplant operation at its "Great Skewer" Hospital by Christian Barnyard.
Cape Town is neither as wealthy nor as large as Johannesburg, so the inhabitants
compensate with a superior attitude based on the claim that they were there first.
Which none of them personally were, unless they are over 300 years old.
It is socially unacceptable for a Capetonian to talk to people that they have not
previously talked to, which severely limits social interactions. If the opportunity should
somehow present itself, a traditional Cape Town greeting is "Jou ma se *%#@", often
abbreviated to "Jou ma", which means, roughly "Good day and good health to you and
your good mother, sir!"
Robin Island was named after Batman’s faithful sidekick. Later it was renamed
"Robbin' Island" and used as a jail, like Alcatraz but with colder water around it and
more sharks in it.
In spite of the revolution in 1994 severe social inequality still persists. Efforts to
redress this historical imbalance are progressing well, particularly the "mugg’em"
initiative.
Popular sports are pretentiousness, drunk-driving, pole-vaulting, homosexuality,
French dressing and Mexican standoffs. The summer sport of setting fire to the
mountainside is more popular with tourists than with locals, though all enjoy the
cheerful spectacle of the flames and smoke.
Since 2006, the town council of Cape Town has embraced an "Amishisation " policy,
and has turned it's back on the use of electricity, declaring it a decadent bourgeois
luxury. Electricity is slowly being phased out in a series of "power cuts", and it is to be
replaced by the use of candles, paraffin lamps and fires for illumination and
sing-alongs for entertainment.
Cape Town is the first place to boast an Invisible Bridge. However, the bridge is
currently not in use as the city council refused to believe the claims of the construction
company when they informed the council that they had developed a new building
material which was stronger than steel but could not be seen by the human eye. The
city council is said to have likened the bridge fiasco to "The Emperor’s New Clothes".
Roads Memorial celebrates the fact that Cape Town is where roads were invented. This
is delightfully done by means of a monument which includes important tools to roadmaking
such as lions, a man with a horse and some dude's head.
Bergies are Cape Town's world famous mountaineers who live on Table Mountain and
often come down into the city to welcome foreigners with the traditional Capetonian
greeting of "Jou maaaa se *%$@!"

Wednesday, 07 February 2007

The beauty of not caring, lies and farm life

Today was a great day. I didn’t care. I didn’t care about arriving at work late, I didn’t care that everyone was wound up as tight as a golf ball. I am excited and I am proud of the risk I am willing to take.

Today one of my oldest friends lied to me. Strangely enough I don’t mind the odd lie. People often find themselves trapped in situations where the best outcome is a bit of a 'sincere' lie. Stupid lies just irritate me. Rather over-estimate the person's intellect before engaging on a betrayal. Cover all bases and ensure that your lie is plausible and isn’t researchable. A stupid lie results in very bad feelings, the type of feeling that cannot be easily forgotten or forgiven. Be particularly careful if you intend to lie to a Scorpio (Moi)
I find myself making terrible conclusions about the nature of the liar. Utterly judgmental and stereotypical conclusions about the true nature of the person who lies.

I have also discovered a new pet hate. Fake British accents. Surely if you are a South African living in London, your accent really makes you somewhat unique ( Even though I hear there are more SA people in London than the English) Still you are South African - love it or hate it and swapping your Ja's for your yeahs - does not a Londoner make. Especially when you come home for a visit. It is just simply unnecessary and sounds quite ridiculous in the land of your birth!

Seven days to go before I take a break. I want to tan, swim in the sea and pick up a couple of bottles of wine and some olives from the wine route.
I am choosing farm life over corporate benefits; I am choosing dirt roads and tractors over my laptop, 3G cards and a cell phone allowance. No more video conferencing, no more team building, no more media hyped functions, no more evil vending machines and sour faced PA's.
Hello big skies, sea air, roses and grapevines.

Monday, 05 February 2007

If I were King of the world

I have finally done it...I resigned. Next week Wednesday, on valentines day will be my last day in this hell. I am thrilled especially when not a minute goes by without something happening to piss me off!!!
They are still sticking me with bullshit jobs that they don’t have the balls to refuse to accept in the first place and lay the crap at my feet. Instead of maybe using my time left to do the job I was hired for. Oh how different and efficient and professional this department would be if I ran the show!! Heads would roll, meaningful work would get done, and everyone would leave the building with their heads held high after being pushed to the limits and surviving. Not this incessant whining and whinging... life is sooooo unfair. Shame. I am leaving, I am leaving, I AM LEAVING!!!!!

I AM LEAVING THIS STUPID JOB!!!!!!!


Thursday, 25 January 2007

Thinking about home




It wasn’t that long ago. It was Christmas Day, and the thunderstorms were relentless. I loved being back home in Joburg. I loved the cool mornings and the beautifully dramatic thunder and lightning.

I can’t say I am looking forward to going *home today. Outside these doors the wind blows like a nasty, cheap hair dryer. Hot, too hot, this kind of heat can only have the most severe adverse reaction on humankind: Congested roads, gladiator winds and thousands of angry people melting in their car.

Five things I miss the most about Joburg:
1. My beautiful house, garden and ceiling fan!
2. Driving to my folks for home cooked dinner, a couple of whiskies and conversations that bring me back to earth.
3. The coolness of the sunset at a reasonable hour of 6 to 6:30PM.
4. My shabby little Randburg office with all the professional, friendly, Joburg smiles.
5. My local cocktail bar and local Woolies were I would inevitably bump into someone from my dangerous past. (And inevitably remember how cool and thin I once was!)

Five things I am enjoying about Cape Town:
1. Wine Farms, Wine Farms and wine farms.
2. It really is beautiful.
3. The air, especially when I can smell the sea.
4. The tourists are a great source of amusement. The tour guides and their fantastical interpretations of history.
5. People coming to visit me on their holidays. This is great for two reasons: Everybody is happy and super chilled (obviously because they are on holiday) and secondly when they say goodbye, you go home and they get on a plane – How many holidays have we said to each other – wouldn’t it be great to live here.

Coming home tonight, I can’t help thinking I am a bit of a weirdo!

Realizing that tonight was the final of ‘The Apprentice’ I was absolutely justified in going to Woolies and buy an innocent, beautiful, bubbly, little bottle of MCC. It is after all Thursday, another reason to celebrate. (One more miserable day left of fresh hell)

My intentions were honorable and yet somehow I came home with not one little bottle but two (in case I felt regretful after finishing the first one) One 750ml bottle (Because I might as well…for the weekend) a sushi meal for one, a bowl of raspberries, multi-grain crisps and dip, hot cross buns, Pomegranate Juice and the new Eat Out magazine!!!

I really need to get out more…this is really sad!


*It doesn’t feel like home yet. My heart is still in the big city.





Comet McNaught


Wednesday, 24 January 2007

One hell of a week

I woke up at 3am, completely disorientated. It was hot as hell – at 3am in the morning. Not even a breeze.
I don’t know how to cope in this heat. Give me winter rains and dark skies any day!!

It is time to make the big decision.
Do I quit the corporate world; take a drop in salary for the sake of a better quality of life???
I actually doubt the validity of that statement. By being able to comfortably afford various luxuries – also results in an improved quality of life. I hate the drive to work each morning, but couldn’t this possibly be improved by driving a Mercedes. I love my weekends off – this will remain a constant, however with a bit of available capital, surely weekends away at an exclusive spa and indulging in a couple of bottles of Bollinger will bring a smile to my face.
But then I do have to recognize that I never feel as though I am earning enough money. I have climbed, I have received my promotions and I have received many increases and yet I still feel like an underachiever. The big 30’s cloud is hovering, and I cannot decide on a path?

Where can you see yourself in five years time?

This is supposedly the question you ask yourself when contemplating some career / future planning / goal setting / type thing.

You should love what you do

Reach for the Stars

Never stop dreaming

Blah, blah, blah…none of that nonsense helps.

In the face of such uncertainty, I have settled on two possible solutions:

I need answers; I need someone to figure me out. I need to find solutions that have not been influenced by my subconscious manipulations.

1- A Tarot Card Reading OR 2 – Career Psychologist

I have decided on the psychologist, as this means I will get all sorts of IQ tests, and I can find out if I am, as previously surmised, a genius!!

Friday, 12 January 2007

The Friday that refuses to end

I am so tired I can hardly keep my eyes open. I cant help feeling sorry for myself, being stuck in the one department that refuses to go home early on a Friday. The only department in this massive, evil, giant corporation and the only one, miserable department in the entire city. Cape Town is famous for early Fridays - yet here I sit with all these miserable bastards!

Yesterday - I took the plunge! Kitted in my new tracksuit pants and horrible white gym top, I walked out the complex gates, armed with a cigarette. (I know it sound ridiculous, but I felt too weird leaving the house without a cigarette in my hand) I ran to the end of the road, I must have jogged past five houses, I became alarmed at the thundering of my heart and the sudden urge to collapse turned around and half jogged, half walked back home. Shameful! Embarrassing!! But I won’t give up, next time I will be longer than 10 minutes!!!

Today I had my innocent yogurt with muesli and strawberries, followed by carrot salad and pineapples for lunch at ridiculous cost of R8 for a bowl of carrots. Then I destroyed my angelic behavior by eating a packet of Smoked Beef Simba crisps.

I can’t wait to get into my car. To put on my shades, to listen to the radio and to say F*** all of you, I am going home!!

Monday, 08 January 2007

Back at Work

Last night I wolfed down an entire pizza, with gorgonzola cheese, sundried tomatoes and capers. I feel horribly huge – I am at the point of no return!!!

Starting Monday 15th January – new lifestyle changes will take effect.

1. No more drinking during the week. If the desire to indulge hits me after being stuck in hellish traffic after work then a glass of white wine and soda will have to suffice.
2. Start work at 7am as often as humanly possible.
3. Go to gym at work, during lunch time or late afternoon.
4. Start jogging.
5. No more pizza once a week – this needs to be reserved for a once a month treat.
6. Cook more meals at home.
7. Take many small meals to work.
8. Buy and eat lots of fruit.
9. The rule of 8: Eight hours of sleep and eight glasses of water a day.
10. Replace bread with (yuk, yuk, yuk…) rice-cakes.

Ultimate goal: To loose +- 8kgms

Deadline:
Unrealistically hopeful: 15 February
Hopeful: 1 March
Realistic: 1 April
Necessity by the 1 May!!
Celebrate by buying one of the gorgeous new YDE dresses.

Friday, 05 January 2007

Preface


2007
Last year was unbelievable.
I cannot believe how much my life has changed.
Therein lies the reason for this blog.

I have kept journals since I was in Primary school. A happy, innocent girl, obsessed with a Rugby player a year older than me, who would make me blush by just glancing in my direction. The days of pink legwarmers, long T-shirts with a pink belt and ‘ski-pants’. Unbelievable, it’s made a come back!!!

High school, the legwarmers were substituted by 14 hole Doc’s and an obsession for Slash, soon followed by cigarettes, multiple piercings and jumping over walls to get into nightclubs. Gone was the shy, happy good girl who everyone loved.
Soon the docs were replaced by thigh-high stiletto boots, (Which is partly to blame for the title of this blog) instead of piercings I opted for teased hair, black eyeshadow, silk gloves and PV dresses. Then developed an insane interest in literature and philosophy: sophistication in the world of old, red carpeted night clubs, mirrors on the ceiling and a family of pseudo friends to talk to in the bathrooms.

Wonderful and exciting days. Between now and then I am not sure what has happened. The stilettos still have a place in my cupboard and I still smile to myself when I see a young girl walking very self consciously in a public place, awkwardly wearing her long black skirt and shapeless black T-shirt.

Well it is the start of a New Year and time to embrace this new life which has been thrust suddenly upon me.

“Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.”
Dr. Timothy Francis Leary (22 October 1920 – 31 May 1996)